Thursday, March 30, 2006

Down escalators? I'm not so sure

An escalator is so called because it gradually goes up from one point to another. Here I quote the definition of escalate:

To increase, enlarge, or intensify.

To me this means that the term escalator applies only to those that go in the upwards direction. Which leads to a problem - what do you call them if they're going down? My suggestion would be de-escalator. The same applies to "lifts" or "elevators". Don't get me wrong I'm not annoyed about this one, I just think it would make more sense, just a little thought to ponder.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Guinness Brew 39

I don't know how familiar most people are with the new Guinness Brew 39, as it's only currently available in the greater Dublin area. As a Guinness drinker I really really hate this product. For a start it tastes like Guinness with a handful of dirt thrown in for that soily after taste, and secondly it adds a new complexity to the already annoying drink ordering process. Drinks, especially foreign beers, all have a difficult name, and ordering at the bar is rather daunting. "Hey mate can I have a Kaphaffe-fagger-scheniz-niggle?" **Points "oh you mean a Kappenhaffenoggle". However until now if you wanted a Guinness it was simple, one name, one thing, none of this nonsense. Now they are bringing out a whole range of slightly different ones seperated by only the number in the name! How damn confusing! I'm never gonna remember the one I like! Gahhhh!

Humpty Dumpty, since when was he an egg?

To serve as a refresh here is the rhyme in full:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Now the name "Humpty Dumpty" is synonymous with the image of an egg falling off a wall, but today I pose this question: where the hell in the rhyme does it say he's an egg? Furthermore why would the king send all his horses and men to put him back together? Humpty Dumpty does not seem that significant! Lastly if a giant egg had indeed fallen to pieces and the king was for some unknown reason greatly concerned with rebuilding him, why the horses? Not exactly the most gracious of beasts are they? Humpty would be ground into egg powder!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Buses Not Giving You Change - Named and Shamed Part 1

Have you ever gone into a shop and only had a fiver to pay for something that is two quid, and the shopkeeper says, "sorry mate I don't give change, Here's a receipt, now go across town and cash it in." NO! You haven't! You wouldn't stand for such a thing! But this is exactly what DublinBus gets away with.
You have to give them the exact amount for a fare or you get a second ticket for the change. This change may only be 10, 15 or 20 cent, to recieve your change you have to get another bus into town and go to the office. This is how they rob you! You either won't be bothered and they get to keep everyone's twenty cent, or you will get a second bus to town and back and then they take more money then for a pointless journey!! They say it's to stop the bus drivers getting robbed, but Jebus what's wrong with a till like system? Where I'm from in Belfast we get our change given to us and we don't exactly have a reputation as a safe city!! It's a big con, DUBLIN BUS YOU HAVE BEEN NAMED AND SHAMED!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Toilet Attendants in Pubs and Clubs

Now it may just be me, maybe it's always been this way and I just didn't notice, but what's the craic with the dudes in the toilets who want to wash your hands and dry them for you! Man that's sooooooooooooo annoying! There you are quietly going about your business when someone jumps out of nowhere - he may have been on the other side of the room reading a paper so you thought you were safe - he then grabs your hands, puts them under the tap, sprays you in the face with some foul smelling liquid, tries to dry your hands then wants you to give him money! I mean after all that you're standing in a daze, eyes burning, thinking "what just happened? **looks around** what the? **looks around** ". If I wanted somone to wash my hands I'd ask! And I'd certainly want someone who hadn't had their hands on every guy who's taken a crap in the last day... GOD!

I don't know what it's like for women but for men there is an ancient and unwritten code for public toilets - it goes something like this: You can only talk to another person within the confines of the men's room when doing the same thing as that person, the conversation must also be totally superficial. So when you're trying to "get on with it" and there is a person just behind you asking questions and occasionally singing, this violates the code!
I just don't understand, no one likes this service, so why does everyone keep employing people to do it!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Ocean's 12 - Films With Unestablished Rules - Part 4

This one bugs more people than just me I'm sure! The whole film was crap but the main points that really got to me are:

Julia Roberts playing Tess Ocean playing Julia Roberts, I mean were the writers drunk? You can't do that for one character and not the others, did Danny Ocean not look like George Clooney? And what about Brad Pitt! Not to mention the fact that throughout the film they refer to Tess Ocean as “J-Ro”, which only further shatters the illusion of the film. My money is on the idea that one of the actors was too dumb to remember the character name and so wrote this in as a "joke".

The next annoying this about this film was the use of that Holographic Egg thing. Jebus that was annoying! The film was set in the present day, with no mention of this technology until they needed it! Surprisingly, no one seemed to be in too much awe about it. Technology like that would be more valuable than the egg itself. It was also rediculously elaborate, surely a scale model of the egg would have been just as good, and more plausible within the confines of the film!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

No posts in the past few days, guess why! I've got a nice little rant brewing though.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The name of the "SuperBowl" event

I don't pretend to know anything about American Football, but this is something that I cannot find a reason for. The main event in the American Football calender is called the SuperBowl. Why? Nothing is stored in a bowl and the game could not be futher away from bowling, I mean the ball isn't even round!
Also the term "Super" is a bit... well let's just say the guy who came up with it was probably having a bit of an off day and to make up for it decided to use roman numerals in a vain attempt to spice it up a bit. And don't get me started on warddrobe malfunctions!

The use of EMP on TV and in FILM

Ok so for those of you who don't know what an EMP is, it stands for Electro-Magnetic Pulse, and it's basically a massive magnetic field that forms and collapses very quickly. If a large enough one is generated it can incapacitate any electronic device within range, leaving eveything else intact.
It is this property that led to the use of EMP and EMP weapons in TV shows and films, however usually they activate an EMP to eliminate a threat then boot up all their computers and electronic devices again working fine! It is true that current and power would be restored shortly after the burst, but most microchips and IC's would be fried even if they where not active due to current being induced in them, and certainly all harddrives and memory storage devices would be completely wiped clean!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mr Monopoly and The Pringles Man - one and the same?

Ok so it's not a great picture, but you try getting a side by side picture of the two of them in relatively the same pose. Now taking into account the fact that the hat obsures Mr Monopoly's hair, and The Pringles Man's hair is covering his eyebrows, they are exactly the same down to the bow tie! On top of this, I don't recall ever seeing them in the same room together! Coincidence? I think not.

The Train from Back to the Future 3 - Films With Unestablished Rules - Part 3

Ok, so you're probably starting to see a pattern with my postings, one of the main things that bother me are inconsistency. Before I progress let me just say that Back To The Future is one of my all time favourite films, but let's look at this:
The Delorian needed two things to travel through time; firstly a vast amount of energy, provided, in order, by plutonium, lightning and later "Mr Fusion", and secondly a speed of 88Mph, provided by the car engine and being pushed by a train. Now my main point, in BTTF1 they ran out of plutonium and the whole movie was centered around harnessing the lightning to get the energy, because they knew when it was going to strike. In BTTF3, they spent the whole time trying to get the speed to 88Mph when the fuel line got pierced. At the end of BTTF3 Doc Brown Returns to 1985 in a train and clearly states "it runs on steam!" Which fair enough validates how they got it up t0 88Mph but where the hell did they get the 1.21 jiga watts? This is the question I pose!

Films With Unestablished Rules - Part 2

Ok so I may hit a sore spot with my target audience by dissing Star Wars, but don't worry I'm not gonna go off on one about the giant hole in the Death Star that makes it blow up with just one shot (unlike Star Destoyers or indeed X-Wings) - no that's far too obvious! Instead I'm going to diss on the Stormtroopers.
The first question I am going to raise is this; what makes a StormTrooper different from all the other characters? The answer is all that armour! So why is it, in the original films at least (I'm not familiar enough with the new ones), that one shot from their own guns has them down for the count? I mean what kind of armour is it if it can't even protect against the very weapons the troopers themselves are armed with?
On the other hand, the good guys can get up with a flesh wound, or even have their limbs cut off and still manage to cling on to the bottom of cloud city for dear life!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Mice AKA Mouses

This is just a little pet peeve of mine, if you are ever corrected for using the term "mouses" when referring to more than one "computer mice", the person correcting you is wrong and deserves a slap around the back of the head!
It is actually perfectly acceptable to use both "mice" and "mouses" for this application, here is the excerpt from as proof:

pl. mice or mous·es (mousz) Computer Science. A hand-held, button-activated input device that when rolled along a flat surface directs an indicator to move correspondingly about a computer screen, allowing the operator to move the indicator freely, as to select operations or manipulate text or graphics.

Films With Unestablished Rules - Part 1

My next rant is about movies that don’t base their plots or characters on established rules and common sense. I have many such rants, but I'm gonna start with perhaps the most famous and possibly the most annoying, which is Mission Impossible. Do you mean to tell me that if you were to lock your most valuable and precious item(s) away in a state of the art vault with temperature sensors, decibel meters and six inches of pure steel all around, you would leave an air vent, however well guarded, big enough for a person to fit through?! I mean, why the hell do you need a vent in the first place? Even if there is a valid reason such as letting air in why does it have to be people sized? I just can't imagine the designers saying "God man I've got something really really unbelievably important, valuable and dangerous to lock away."
"I know we will build an impenetrable vault, but cut one dirty great big whole in the top of it, just for the craic."
"Sweet man! You’re a frickin' genius!"
I don't think so!

Chuck Norris in a new film

Today’s little nugget of wonder pulled from the far recesses of my mind is a short one, but also a very valid and very very plausible idea. It's a variation on the infinite monkeys with infinite type writers idea and goes something like this:
If you were to, say, throw as many hard drives as you could through a room filled with very strong and constantly fluctuating magnetic fields (I'm sure I'm probably losing my non-geek audience right here) then attaching the appropriate "movie file" headers to the resulting seemingly random data, would it be possible to create a completely original film staring Chuck Norris? If someone were to accomplish this feat, the whole digital rights movement would be totally blown out of the water, as there would be no stronger defense than "it was like that when I got here!" when a file sharer is brought to court.

Half Caff Coffee

The first absurd thing that crossed my mind today, about ten minutes before I decided to start this blog, was over coffee in an afternoon tea break. The new student intern at work innocently went about retrieving a coffee from the dispenser, only to have it pointed out by myself that he had, in fact, lifted decaffeinated coffee. This easily made error sparked a thought in my head about a TV ad I had seen earlier in the week.
The advertisement was for "Half caff" coffee, that is coffee with only half the amount of caffeine than normal. This raises all sorts of questions, like why such a product exists. Think about it, if you wish to consume half the amount of caffeine than you normally do, what’s stopping you from simply making a smaller amount of coffee? Or indeed increasing the coffee to water/milk ratio within your cup?
The most compelling argument I can see for this product is for people who wish to control their in-take of caffeine, surely this is what decaffeinated coffee is for? In any case flavour can not be the reason, since if the caffeine is responsible for any of the flavour, reducing it would probably involve adding artificial flavorings with the intent of making it taste more like the "real thing". This I'm sure is also the aim of the decaffeinated version, which again leads me to the question boggling my mind... WHY does this product exist?!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Like A Fox - Tea Time Rantings of the Under-Stimulated Student

Hello curious visitors with just a little bit less time on their hands than me!
First off a little background into how this blog has come into being:

I'm just a simple university student in Ireland, currently on the tail end of my placement year at a large computer processor factory in Leixlip (Google it you will find the one... yes that's it... I'd play the "Doo dooo duh deeh" but I've come to loath its very existence).

Basically I find that during most tea times (I'm using "Tea-Time" as a broader term which encompasses all non-work periods, including breakfast, lunch and, you guessed it, tea!), I'm never short of a conversation topic, usually something totally absurd which makes no sense to most people and indeed effects them in no way whatsoever, however they matter to me! This blog is repository for the verbal diarrhea that so often passes between my lips! My aim is to entertain and to stimulate the unaware masses.

Please bear with me as I gather my many thoughts!